Episode 30: Sourdough Salvations - A Teacher's Journal
The Struggle is REAL
Daily battles with fibromyalgia symptoms:
I am a teacher. More than that, I am a teacher with fibromyalgia at the end of the year. The struggle is always real. But it is even more real with a chronic pain condition. Fibromyalgia let's me know, now more than ever, that it is time for the school year to be over! The widespread pain wakes me up at night and wakes up with me in the morning. The environmental sensitivity to sound, smell, and sight is enough to drive me MAD. The sound of chewing makes me want to fight; strong smells make me gag; bright lights give me lightning strike headaches. Simply put, the overwhelm in nauseating.
Challenges in maintaining routines, especially in teaching:
To get through my day, I start with a fist full of supplements and a strong cup of coffee. Add to that a fruit and yogurt smoothie with soured oats and honey and excessive self-talk to get me out the door to my first class. Still, I sit in my car holding back tears, pounding on the steering wheel screaming to myself "WAKE UP" and "GET IT TOGETHER!". I'm not even thinking of the students at this moment, I am just trying to figure out how to put one foot in front of the other when I step out of my car and try to walk into the school building. It wasn't like this in the beginning of the year. Yes, the dull pain was constant, the weariness was present, but the sheer will power it takes to do the activities of daily living did not seem so overwhelmingly difficult.
Emotional toll of chronic pain and fatigue:
It is not news that people with fibromyalgia are at a higher risk of developing chronic depression. I am no exception. Compounded with that, as a teacher, I'm confronted with a stark statistic - we are"three times as likely to experience depression than the general adult population". It's a double blow. The end of the school year, always challenging for educators, becomes particularly taxing for me and my emotional well-being. And yet, I can already hear the voices of my peers and others suggesting, 'If it's that tough, why not leave teaching?' Trust me, I'm considering it. But let me be clear - I am a 25 year veteran teacher and it's not that I don't enjoy teaching, or even love it. It's the trifecta that is in the way of my job satisfaction. It hurts, I'm exhausted, and it's depressing. It's a constant battle against physical and emotional hurdles.
A therapeutic outlet - the sourdough trend:
So, how am I making it to the end of the school year? Three months ago when I started feeling the increase of these symptoms, I could not have ever fathomed that it would be baking, and certainly NOT sourdough baking that would bring me some relief. This is surprising because 14 years back, my body's adverse reactions to wheat forced me onto a dreaded gluten-free diet. But, about 730 days ago, I made a deliberate life change. Shortly thereafter, the by-product of this change was that I could consume wheat again with no repercussions (though I have have an idea, my doctors and I don't know why - but OK). That is for another blog post; if you are curious, it does have to do with living an alcohol-free lifestyle.
Regular readers will know that I am a TikToker and YouTuber, and as an active member of both of these video platforms, I have been influenced by the sourdough trend that has exploded in the past year. Little did I know that dabbling in this edible delight would bring me so much creative JOY. If you know anyone with fibromyalgia, you may know that participating in activities that bring joy can release the "happiness hormones", or endorphins. Endorphins can: ease depression, relieve stress and anxiety, and alleviate pain. Makes sense to me. I am not quite ready to say sourdough fixed my life, but the process has alleviated some of my stress and depression, and consequently, my pain. The common phrase is to call it a "sourdough era", but I think it is more than an era for me, it is a journey. This journey may help me power through to the end of the school year and maybe to the end of my teaching career. Maybe, it is my new career...
Retirement reflections:
In response to my family, my colleagues, and others suggesting it is time to retire, I agree. I am in the end years of my public school teaching career for a couple of different reasons. First, I have been doing it 25+ years and it is soon time to make room for younger teachers. Second, my body is telling me "NO MORE". This is more to do with teaching dance than English. As a matter of fact, I just got the results from an MRI of my hips that basically says just that. The reality is that despite dancing daily, every form of movement—whether I am walking, just sitting, or any physical activity—is painful. Even sleep is painful. It's time to allow my body the rest it needs to heal. Teaching English does not hurt (as much), but keeping up with 9th graders is a challenge. I am good at it, but with the added pain of fibromyalgia and the stress (the IMMENSE stress) of post-COVID, 21st Century teaching, I have begun planning my retirement from classroom teaching..
Then the question becomes: What Next? And that, my dears , is what I am trying to figure out. Because fibromyalgia runs my life right now, I need to treat it like an angry friend. I can't fight it; I can't argue with it; the best I can do is have a frank conversation with myself about what I can do. The conversation so far is focused on what brings me joy, and right now what brings me joy is sourdough baking, and obviously writing. How on Earth do I transition my professional life to this? That is the the million dollar question and the uncertainty is a bit unnerving.
Prioritizing self-care and well-being
Yes, we are still talking about making it to the end of the year in this post. Amidst the hustle and bustle of the teaching life, especially for those of us managing chronic conditions like fibromyalgia, prioritizing self-care is key. It's about carving out moments in the chaos to nurture our physical, emotional, and mental well-being. For me, self-care involves indulging in activities that bring joy and relaxation, such my sourdough journey or immersing myself in the art of blogging. These activities not only offer comfort but also work with my body's limitation, allowing me to work with, rather than against, my fibromyalgia. It's about listening to my body's needs and responding with compassion and kindness. Self-care isn't selfish; it's a necessary act of self-preservation that allows us to recharge and show up as our best selves, not just for others, but for ourselves too. As I tackle the year-end challenges, I will prioritize self-care and welcome the peace and rejuvenation it offers.
RECAP
In the daily struggle of managing fibromyalgia while teaching, self-care emerges as a lifeline in the chaos. Each day presents unique hurdles, from relentless pain to overwhelming fatigue. Amidst these challenges, I've found comfort in crafting sourdough bread—a delicate dance of nurturing a living culture, coaxing complex flavors from humble ingredients with patience, skill, and intuition. Sourdough baking has become a sanctuary, offering solace and joy. As I prioritize my well-being and contemplate the future, looking towards possible retirement, I am filled with hope. With a focus on self-preservation, I find courage to face the unknown with optimism and grace.
Heads up! My upcoming blog, "Home Cheffing," will showcase my latest sourdough recipes and other delicious (albeit not the healthiest) kitchen indulgences, with a launch planned for summer 2024.
If you enjoyed this post, share it with your friends and colleagues, and consider becoming a subscriber. If you have any tips or suggestions about how to better cope with chronic pain, leave a comment. I would love to hear from you!
Karen Palmen, EdD is a veteran educator in Saint Paul, Mn. She teaches Dance and English at Saint Paul Central High School. She has an active TikTok page that features humorous, political, mental health, and educational content (kickin it with karen). And a a dormant YOUTUBE channel with the same name, featuring fermented foods and other cooking oddities.
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SOURCES
Cleveland Clinic medical. “Endorphins: What They Are and How to Boost Them.” Cleveland
Clinic, Cleveland Clinic, 19 May 2022, my.clevelandclinic.org/health/body/23040-endorphins.
Yepez, Daniela, et al. “Fibromyalgia and Depression: A Literature Review of Their Shared
Aspects.” Cureus, U.S. National Library of Medicine, 11 May 2022, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9187156/.